I don't understand...

Everyone has their own way of grieving. Some cry for days, while others go on like nothing happened. Someone I know found out this morning that their grandfather died. When I heard that, it instantly took me back to four years ago when I got the call that my grandfather died.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. My mom called me on a Thursday night while I was getting ready to go to Detroit Lakes for a night of dancing at Islands Night Club. When she told me, I was sad, but it didn't quite hit me. When I hung up the phone, I went down to the IACC to meet the people I was getting a ride with. I told them what happened and they gave me their condolances. Then I went out as usual. At the time me and my boyfriend Jason were temporarily split up.

It took a few days for my grandfather's death to hit me. I was at the trailer with Jason, lying on the floor. I remember that I was thinking about the phone call and of the last time I saw Grandpa. Right then, it hit me. I was never going to see him again. I was never going to be able to hug him, or tell him that I love him again. When I fully realized this, I broke out in tears and did not stop for an hour. Jason was there to help me through the whole thing, which I am so grateful for.

Why am I writing about this? Because when this person this morning found out the news, they had a little cry, then went on as if nothing happened. I know everyone has their own way of grieving in front of people and when they are by themselves. I guess I just wish that this person would confide in me what they are feeling. What I am feeling now is that this person is afraid to open up to their true feelings, and they are covering something up.

It has almost been exactly four years ago that my grandfather died. There are many times when I think back and regret not spending more time with him. He was the only grandfather I had, as my other one died three months before I was born. I sometimes feel that I have missed out on true grandfather/granddaughter moments.

There are times when writing things down is the best way for me to vent out on what I am feeling. Even if no one reads this I will have a lighter burden on myself because of this.